Painless Fishing

Written by: Sasha Eileen Sutton

We can’t have it both ways. We can’t launch profitable surprise attacks then complain bitterly when a fish (however defined) makes us the victim. We can’t celebrate our genius then careen into pricey tilt when UTG a hyper-maniac opens 7c3h and spikes two-pair on the river in a $1900 pot.

A veteran player, Eddie drinks too much but is a devoted regular at his 2/5 underground Chicago game. He’s been at this for a while, boasting of his unpredictable, deceptive 80%-VPIP-style while openly dissecting each hand to prove his mastery over the “fetuses” he loves to dominate. Yet, when Eddie loses big to bad players (however defined), he launches into invective and circles the table, hungry to understand what went wrong. In his manic drunk-think, the best players shouldn’t lose to the broad class of the poker-unworthy who should be punished for not following the rules (however defined).

Worst of all, Eddie’s version of tapping the glass (a poker thing) is bad for business. It helps folks play better and annoys the donators who may not return. A silver lining? Eddie is surely irritating, but his entitlement-tilt, and the leaks in his game (mental and otherwise), are ripe for exploitation. His bluff ratios and crooked frequencies are easy pickings for even the dimmest low-stakes player. We should be glad he and countless others are predictably unhinged. When we align not just stronger ranges, but quieter minds against them, they put wings on our houses.

Jamming the contradictions

Everything we touch has order (except love). When starting out, we follow a seemingly reliable poker roadmap. We memorize starting hands. Balance ranges. Table- and seat-select to leverage position against the splashy among us with visions of Stu Ungar dancing our decisions. We proudly check back the river when behind cause we’re nothing if not allegiant. Yet, from where does profit arrive? Does poker patriotism pay the rent?

Poker is tribal. Playing habits are incestuously shared, though we tell ourselves elaborate tales. We’re desperate to believe we’re lone wolves rejecting the manners of the pack. Our singular crush-face is designed to startle and offend. We dream ourselves defiant and nine steps ahead because rules are for the little people who should be kept in line because radical play is not for everyone. We alone own the option of being freakishly disloyal to standards and unspoken covenants.

From the seediest 1/2 games to plush, private nosebleed extravaganzas, outrageous inventive players have always in fact frustrated expectation and crashed the system. Inviting a sort of exquisite anarchy, poker invites every manifestation of creative, rebellious move. Yet we’re inclined to label wild play as wicked when we’re the target and poorly trained egos bring silent mortification and red faces.

I no longer think the biggest fish in the sea are moronic idiots. They may go broke in the long run. But their wild hearts are on to something. More to the point, was Ungar peddling obedience? In his brilliant careful hands, extreme Moby Dick moves became world-class lines.

Heart battles mind

In our child heart, we long for Villain-fish to remain dull, careful ABC players who behave so we can bully and barrel and vacuum their wallets. Think Lumpy from Leave it to Beaver. In a word, our sand box, our toys, our dreams.

Yet I believe our mind craves more. Drunk Eddie may storm about when stuck but obvious toddler habits aside, he’s secretly Playboy-aroused when a Villain pulls off a breathtaking line. In the end, Eddie loves the art of the game. Poker’s complex, mind-drenching poetry means navigating a challenging multi-way spot where we can leverage and harmonize to perfection every moving part, manage every nuance of every bet from every player on every street with such finesse and unmitigated confidence that we drag large, sick pots and prove for all eternity that our virtuosity will be seen from Mars.

Slight of gill

Nothing stays still. Even if accidental and unstudied, the sheer time-honored power of tricky play enhances and advances the game, beautifully reinventing and reordering old ways. Let the fish swim. Dive in and learn from their elegant sleek curves. Observe how they move through the tide with erratic, mysterious grace. Like cats, fish can’t be herded. Just ask the incredible Mr. Limpet who transformed from human to fish-man but kept his glasses—fish vision through a human lens. Be yourself and something else entirely. Learn to structure and devise your own anarchy as you tackle the conventions in the deep blue sea. That which is uncertain will always have magic.

About Sasha:

A devoted Vegas cash grinder, mindset coach, and fiction writer, Sasha’s poker book “The Total Poker Manual” is visually singular and ideal for those starting out. Connect with her at www.suttonstories.com, or on Bluesky @pokerforgirls.bsky.social. She loves to talk the game, especially with women.